I tend to be overly opinionated/outspoken, so I was
REALLY hoping to stay out of anything political, religious, or controversial
but I just can’t let this one go. It’s been on my mind for the past week, and
the only solution I can think of is to put it all out there. I want to clarify
that everything I'm about to say comes from a good place inside of me, no
matter how "judgmental" it may seem. As much as I love a good debate,
I want to keep the atmosphere of my blog positive, and hope that can be respected.
I was sucked into watching a video that claimed it
"WILL make you cry", because I am not a crier, I love watching these
viral videos as a personal crying challenge. To my surprise I was linked to
this:
A video about a little girl named Ryland, who at the
age of two started showing interest in boy things *clothes, toys, etc.* and
making comments that she was in fact a boy. Now at the age of five, with the
help of her parents, she has fully embraced the transgendered life and made the
transition into a "boy". I can gladly say that I didn't fail my no
cry challenge, but I did get that awful sick feeling when I know it’s coming.
However, not for the reasons most would think. I nearly cried during the video because
I was sad for this poor girl and her family.
There are so many things that feel are so very wrong
about this situation. I am no expert, that is a fact, but I like to think I
have more training/experience working with children than the average Joe, and I
just don't think this is right. For the sake of clarification; am I anti
transgender? Absolutely not. Could Miss Ryland actually be transgendered? Sure.
But five years old isn't the time to make that decision. We have the age of
consent put into place for a reason, and even then the human mind isn't
equipped to make full rational decisions. It is proven that the frontal lobes
in the brain are not fully connected until your early to mid-twenties. This is
the part of your brain that can comprehend if something is a good idea and what
the consequences would be. Put plainly you are not capable of seeing "the
big picture" until AT LEAST age 21.
There is a survey of mine from when I was in
kindergarten in which I claim I wanted to be waitress when I grow up... A
waitress? What? No. I had such little life experience and so little to draw
from at five; I actually thought being a waitress was the end goal. Not to
mention my thought process at two. I doubt I wanted to be anything when I grew
up, I don't even know if I 100% knew I was going to grow up. I don't know, I
might have wanted to be a giraffe, or a Barbie princess. I don't remember, but
I can promise you it wasn't a gem full of rational thought.
That's what makes being a child so magical! That
line between fiction and reality is still blurred, you can lay in the bathtub
and envision yourself being a mermaid, you can eat dog food with the dogs
because you are in fact "one of them", and you can wear boy clothes and play with trucks and pretend you're a boy. Why can’t this child be a child?
This isn't the time to make big earth shattering decisions, it’s a time to have
fun and be carefree, the growing up and finding your true self will come with
time. Making such a big change at her age is extremely detrimental and
borderline brainwashing.
Mind you, I do not believe that Ryland's parents are
knowingly "brainwashing" their daughter, but I do believe that their
bleeding hearts have been victimized by some crazy doctors. They are only
trying to do what's right and make sense of the situation. Any loving parent
would, but I don't think the bigger picture was taken into account. In the
video they make mention that the suicide rate for transgendered people is very
high because of lack of acceptance from society. I'm sure this is a sad truth.
However, this is a problem that goes SO much deeper than people being allowed
to dress like and partake in activities of the opposite sex. It is a problem
concerning how society will treat you on a deeper level. Ryland's parents can’t
really believe this is the end all and their daughter will be safe from the
suicide statistic can they?
Fact of the matter is, when it comes down to it, no
matter how supporting your friends and family are, there will always be people
who aren't. What happens when Ryland goes to school? Since the family went
public, keeping her true identity a secret from peers is out of the question.
She will be bullied. As much as I hate to say it, children can be an awful
force to be reckoned with. No matter how much we teach them kindness, we can
only hope they uphold those standards when sent off to school and many of them
wont. Fact is fact. Being bullied only leads children down the exact path that
her parents are so desperately trying to avoid.
Also, what is she going to do when she wants to
date? As a teen it never feels good being the kid that nobody wants to be with.
Other girls or boys might not want to date her. Not even necessarily because
they are intolerant, it could just be that they are uncomfortable with the
situation. It is hard to be transgendered, but it is also hard to be the
partner of one. There is a lot of courage required, and maybe she will find
someone gracious enough to date her in high school, but while we're being
honest, the chances aren't in her favor. Not feeling loved/liked ALSO leads
teens down the path her parents are trying to avoid.
Lastly, there is always that chance that they were
all wrong. This could in fact be a long phase. Puberty could hit and she could
decide she wants to be girly, she could be a forever tomboy, she could be a
lesbian, or she could be transgendered. There are so many options and outcomes
from all of this. You think growing up transgendered can be tough? I can only
imagine the judgment that would come with changing your mind. This is such a
rocky road any way you put it, and should be treated with care and
consideration, not in the public eye. The amount of ridicule received, if a
second change were to be made, can’t help the avoiding suicide cause either.
I say all of these things, while keeping my own
little girl in my mind. As a parent I think of everything in terms of
"what I would do". If my Aria showed signs of wanting to be a boy I
would entertain her interests, but we wouldn't be jumping with both feet into
transgendered wagon. Not all girls have to wear girly cloths and play with
dolls. I always want her to feel confident and accepted for who she is. I want
our home to be a place where she will feel safe to share what's on her heart
with her father and I. If one day she, as an adult, comes to me saying she is
transgendered and has given it much consideration, I would accept and support
her. I would weep for her, not for who she is, but because I know of all the
challenges she will face. I would want to shield her from every blow I know
would come, all the while knowing it is out of my control. It’s an awful,
helpless feeling even just imagining.
Nobody wants hardships for their child. I am left
wondering what the motivation for these parents are. Is the speaking out in the
name of tolerance more important than the wellbeing of your child? Or are they
just lost? I suppose we all as parents are just doing what we hope is best, and
taking it day by day. I only wish that sweet Ryland will find her place in this
world, and make it through unscathed, no matter what she chooses.
