My Birth Story

Alright, alright, ill do this because I said I would. Honestly though, I just haven't wanted to. There is nothing glamorous or magical about this chain of events, and I'm not really wanting to tell it.
I had planned on going into my first birth with an open mind. I didn't think I cared how things went as long as everyone made it out unscathed, and for the most part that was true, but I didn't realize my idea of childbirth would be derailed so badly.
After spending months taking Hypnobirthing classes, I was feeling confident in my abilities to birth. I wanted miss Aria to have every chance possible to come into this world has naturally and stress free as possible, but then Dylon's work decided to send him off out of town ten hours away. I had hoped that Aria would magically know to come during one of the weeks that her daddy would be home, but after my due date came and went it was apparent that wasn't going to be the case.
My doctor presented me with the options to either forgo my plans of having things be natural and induce my labor, or wait and have her alone. There wasn't any question that having my husband by my side was the best option, however, I did feel disappointed and scared that things were already not going as planned.
So with the decision made, we headed to the hospital the next evening. When I arrived I was 1 centimeter dilated and 0% effaced. Aka Aria had no plans on coming out anytime soon. They gave me Cervidil that night in hopes that my cervix would be softened by morning. It wasn't. There was no change at all, and so from there we started on Pitocin to get my contractions going. Nothing happened. From there they decided to break my water, and that finally worked, but not really. My contractions were more intense and hard then they would have been naturally because of the Pitocin, and it still took 19 hours to even get dilated from a 1 to a 5. By then I was throwing up/dry heaving with every contraction because I was so tired and hungry, so I decided to waist my $200 Hypnobirthing class and get an epidural. By then I was so exhausted I was practically begging for the anesthesiologist to come, but known my luck he was in a surgery and I had to wait two more hours before he would be available. Once I got it, it only took on one side of my body, and no matter what we did with changing positions and upping the dosage it would not take on the other side. It did however, take the edge off enough that even though I still felt nauseous I wasn't sick anymore. AND apparently taking that edge off was just what I needed, because I went from a 5 to ready to push in 45 minutes. My doctor explained that some people cant relax enough to let their bodies dilate without the epidural. However, I still think I could have used the techniques I had learned in birthing class to relax enough if I could have stopped throwing up, but it is what it is. In hindsight I'm a little disappointed I put myself through 19 hours of labor just for the sake of trying to be a warrior. It could have been a much more enjoyable experience if I had just put away my pride and gotten the epi as soon as it was available.
Once it was time to push, my doctor was busy delivering another baby so my nurses kept trying to coax me to push but not "too hard". After a while the nurse had to rush to get my doctor because Aria's heart rate was dropping and we couldn't wait any longer. I pushed for two hours, she got stuck, and her heart rate dropped again. We had to emergency use the suction cup along with my pushing, in a last ditch effort to get her out without having to go into C-section. Once she was finally out she was rushed away from me because she had aspirated on a bowel movement that came out during birth because of the stress she was under.
I just laid there, and no one told me what was going on. According Dylon, it was really scary. She was having a hard time breathing and they had to shove tubes down her throat and in her nose to get her going. I know this should have been a scary time for me, but honestly after 22 hours of labor, it didn't even occur to me to wonder why they didn't give her to me or why she wasn't crying. I just waited, and finally they brought her over. I didn't have that overwhelming feeling of love. I don't think I was even capable of emotion by that point, but I do remember thinking she had crazy long fingers and the cutest little dimples.
After things calmed down, we bonded, and I loved her. She is a cutie pie, and even though her birth was probably a version of one of the worst scenarios I could think of, I am so happy to have her. I am also unbelievably grateful to God that we had the protection and strength to overcome the things that could have taken a turn for much worse. She really is a blessing, and I wouldn't trade her for anything, but I do hope things go a little more smoothly next time around. :)

Mommy Judgement Is Brutal

I had every intention of finding the time to share my birth story for this next post, but after a rough couple of days I have been inspired to blog about this instead. * I will do my birth story next. Promise* Go figure I magically find free time when I am angry... So here goes nothing. I am sick to death of mommy judgment. As someone who hasn't ever really "fit in" I suppose I was under this weird impression that once I became a mom I would have this new comradery with other mothers. I always fantasized about making new friends, getting the kids together for play dates, supporting each other through the daily struggles of having children, and I don't know, just being...happy? Wrong. Apparently the world of catty women doesn't change with circumstance or age.
Since the day I announced I was pregnant and people started asking questions about my parenting preferences I have been continuously blindsided by negative comments and judgment. I cant help but wondering "where is this coming from?!". Its not like I plan to abuse or neglect my child in any shape or form, so shouldn't I get a pat on the back? There will always be judgment, and I am not above it either. I can admit I have friends who occasionally make decisions with their children that I would never make, BUT I don't feel the need to verbally critique them. My way isn't the right way. There is no such thing as a right way if we are all doing our best. We have different lives, different family dynamics, different personalities, so how could I ever be so cocky as to think I can tell others they are wrong? How could you tell me I'm wrong? If I'm debating on feeding my child cyanide please by all means, pose an intervention. But, I'm not considering something like that.
I am however no longer breastfeeding, I am cloth diapering, I am making my own baby food, I want to try to give birth med free someday, I lost my baby weight fast, I don't believe in attachment parenting, Sometimes I'm going to let my kids cry, I am entertaining the idea of homeschooling, I am nervous about vaccinations, I will pierce my baby girls ears, and I will raise my kids in church. These are only the arguments/judgments I can think of offhand that have happened in these short 10 months, and I know there are more I'm forgetting.
Even thought I'm too prideful to show it, I have to admit my feelings are hurt. I have cried, questioned my own principals, and in turn gossiped and said horrible things in return out of frustration. However, I don't think its fair for me to become bitter and judgmental because others are. Fact of the matter is I am beyond elated to be a mother and I wont have that experience cheapened by negativity.
I still look forward to finding my place in this new mommy world. I know it will happen eventually, but ill have to exercise caution with who I let in. I only hope that other moms will stand their ground also. We are all doing the best we can with what we've got. Being a mom isn't always glitter and unicorns, it can be lonely and really hard. We need each other for support. We are an elite group. No one can fully understand until they have gone through it themselves, and we all need to keep that in mind before we jump on our soapbox and start the unsolicited preaching.

I'm Going To Start Blogging Again...I Think / A Rambling For Your Enjoyment

The past few weeks I have been feeling the urge to blog again; I cant believe its been three years since my last post! Last time was kind of an epic fail because I was focused on creating posts to update my family on events happening in our life, and not so much my random ramblings about stuff. That was all good in theory, minus the fact that my life isn't THAT exciting which equals nothing to post about. Therefore; I apologies in advance that this is now going to be a mixture of family updates and my random thoughts on life. I really need an outlet even if this ends up being only for me and no one reads it. Just bear with me.

Now that I have said I'm going to give my opinions on random things, I might as well just throw you all straight into the fire by re-starting with that. What I want to talk about today is shyness. Some may not believe it but I'm a shy person, painfully so. Just like my first days of elementary school, I get physically ill before anything. My first day at a new job, first time meeting new people, going to church by myself. I just cant...and its not that I don't want to. Ill admit I am SO jealous of the girls who have that infectious genuine looking smile, the ability to seem 100% interested in everything other people have to say, and can make friends everywhere they go. Life must be so much easier for them, but unfortunately I have been cursed with the gift of extreme honesty and I'm just far too transparent. You're probably wondering why I'm talking about this; although it has been a struggle my whole life, shyness has been rearing its ugly head again lately because of our *somewhat* recent move. Making a new group of friends is just the absolute worst. Luckily I have been FORCING myself to be friendly at work, go to church even if I am alone, and join a few local clubs *moms group, classes at the gym, bunco nights*, and although I fumble through the introductions and small talk of making new friends I have been fortunate enough to meet some really fantastic people here who I can only hope don't think I'm too much of a weirdo. But despite my best efforts I am STILL running into the problem I have been facing my whole life; people misinterpret quietness for being mean. I have already heard through the grapevine on multiple occasions that someone I met thought I was "mean" or "stuck up" or my favorite "a bitch". Whenever I hear something like that it genuinely hurts my feelings, because believe it or not, I hardly EVER intend to be mean to people. More then anything I want real genuine friends, and just like a little kid I get excited about the prospect every time I meet someone new. So please enlighten me on why I would walk around just being flat out being mean to people? After some reflection, I suppose I have found where I fall short.
#1 Small talk makes me want to scratch my eyes out! I HATE non sincere conversations. I don't want to talk about how I have been if its just a pleasantry and you're not really interested, and I sure as heck don't want to idly talk about the weather or sports. If you don't truly care to get to know me, or we just don't connect in conversations then we just don't. I would rather walk away. No hard feelings, not everyone is meant to be lifelong friends and I know that, but I guess that makes me mean.
#2 I'm not uncomfortable with silence. Sometimes I legitimately just don't want to talk. Maybe you came into my work and I put my book in the middle of a sentence to help you, and would rather go back to reading and let you enjoy your coffee and laptop in peace. Maybe I'm having a bad day and just don't want to get into a situation where you ask what's wrong. I'm the kind of person who is fine moping around until I talk about it. Once I have to say what's wrong out loud I WILL cry, and crying in front of people is very uncomfortable for me...its best just to let me be, but I guess that makes me mean.
#3 I have chronic bitch face. Smiling is just not natural for me unless something is funny. Why do people take this so personally? I do my best to force a smile every time I greet someone, but after that please don't be so self absorbed as to think I'm not continuing to walk around with a psychopath grin on my face because of you. Its not you. Its not anything. Its just that after said introduction is over I resume my regular face *because were being regular right?* which just happens to be bitchy. I'm sorry. It sucks to have a downfall that is a physical feature you cant fix. I cant magically fix my face or afford plastic surgery, but I guess that makes me mean.
Still, I don't quite know how to resolve this issue. In the weird world I live in people being genuine with each other is honorable and preferred, but I guess that's not exactly real life. People would rather have their butt kissed then make any true connections with people, and I'm still not sure if I can do that. I hate the inner turmoil of trying to decide if its just the cross I have to bear and I should get over it and stop letting my feelings get hurt, or if I need to grow up and join the ways of the real world as dirty and wrong as they might make me feel. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Until further notice I'm going to continue being that "mean stuck up bitch" that I truly don't think I am, and crying about it in my spare time. However, my message to everyone else in the world would be to stop judging people off of first impressions! You don't know them or their life, and really the only person who is being mean, stuck up, or bitchy is you by passing judgment so quickly. Unless they threw out their rape vibe, or actually said something confrontational to you, no one has the right to have an opinion on another until you have had AT LEAST three encounters. Fact of life for the day is: sometimes people are shy. We all have our different reasons, but one things that holds true for all cases is unkindness from others will only lower self esteem and produce even more shy people. There are plenty of us who are really truly tying, so please just cut a little slack, you might actually meet a really awesome new friend if you just slow down and give everyone a chance.

Family Pictures

Alright I have typed this post 2 times now, and something always ends up kicking me off before I can save. SO there wont be much typing in this one...I kinda lost the motivation. Sorry guys! I still hope you enjoy the pictures. These are family pictures that were taken around Christmas time. It was nice to get the chance to take some since it had been 8 years since our last ones.

Mikes Birthday Party

Sorry guys I am REALLY behind on updating this thing. I have found it is hard because I can remember to update the blog but I cant remember to take pictures when I am doing something fun, and its really no fun just reading about stuff. However, I have finally got some pictures compiled so there will be a lot of new updates. These pictures are from our friend Mikes birthday party in Colorado Springs. It was Dylon, Colby, Chip, and I all driving together in my little car. We made it into town just in time for the party that they had at the gym in their church. Mikes wife Dianna thought it would be funny to have a circus themed party because when Mike was a teen his mom hired a clown to come to his birthday party. Needless to say it was pretty embarrassing, so Dianna thought she would embarrass him AGAIN haha. The party was all decked out in circus stuff. There was circus games, circus food, and of coarse a clown. Dylon and I spent most of the time playing games with the little kids; they were crazy, but it was a lot of fun. After the party we stayed the night with Mike and Dianna and then headed out the next morning. The drive home was scary because it ended up snowing quite a bit and the freeway was blocked off, and the cops had no idea how long it was going to be closed. Instead of just waiting it out like i wanted to...Dylon had the brilliant idea that we would just take a back way home. BUT good thing is we made it home safe and sound with only a couple extra hours tacked on the end of our trip. :)

Thanksgiving In California

We left for California on the 23rd after Dylon got off work. We made it to Boulder City Nevada where Dylons mom lives. She had a Thanksgiving dinner made for us when we got there, even though it was 11:30 at night. This is the beginning of my extreme weight gain haha. The next day we finished the drive to San Juan Bautista. We stayed with Dylons aunt and uncle. They had just finished remodeling their house, and it was soo pretty! Gives me goals for my house. This is a picture of their living room.

Thanksgiving day we decided to explore the town. First thing we found was, they have wild chickens that just run free all over the place. It was really weird. We kept having to stop the car for chicken crossing hahaha

Our second discovery was they have the biggest cactus fruit we have ever seen...Third discovery was the best; or at least in my opinion. We found a old Spanish Catholic mission from 1700. It was awesome! Being a history buff, this is where I took the most pictures. :) They also had a somewhat creepy graveyard with over 100 unmarked crosses of dead clergy members. Discovery number four would have been awesome too, but we were rushing back to Dylons grandmas to have Thanksgiving dinner, so all I could do was hurry and snap a picture of this Spanish soldiers house. Here are some pictures from Thanksgiving dinner. I wasn't too attentive to my camera since I was too busy eating!

The day after Thanksgiving we took a trip to MontereyBay so we could see Dylons dads fishing boat. It was awesome and amazingly not too cold. That was pretty much it. The next day we went and got pizza with dylons aunt, uncle, and cousins. Then we headed out, it was rainy but not too bad. We got a hotel in Bakersfield California and just hung out an prepared for the snowie drive the next day. When we left he next day California gave us the illusion the drive wouldn't be too bad, but Las Vegas on was snow snow snow. Our tip back ended up taking an extra two hours because we had to drive so slow. Thankfully we got home safe and sound. It was a fun and exciting Thanksgiving. :D

Veterans Day

Just thought I would put a little something on here for veterans day. This is the first time I have actually acknowledged the holiday, because I admit I'm one of those people who need a good slap in the face now and again. I guess you never realize how important it is to have someone fighting for your freedoms until you see how easily they can be taken away. This might be the one and only good thing Obama has done for me haha. Well nonetheless, I just want to recognize all of our family and friends who have been/are in the military. My dad Joe Lema, step-dad Shane Schultz, cousins Bill Baker & Mike Pena, and our friend Mike Sprosty


My awesome Daddy Joe. This is the only picture I could find, and I had to take it out of my parents old wedding album so sorry its bad.






My awesome step-dad Shane